Why Dont I Do It?

I am again thinking about it. My thought is why do i see life the way i see it? Why am i think "what would life be like if i wasn't in it?" I try to think of an answer and only one comes to mind....nothing. If i wasn't in it nothing would be any different from what it is now. So why am i still in it? Why not pull the final trigger? or step off the chair? why not just slice it through or swallow them down? The question makes me wonder what keeps me from making the final decision. It also makes me wonder what would happen to me if i did make that decision. What lies behind the world of death or life? I wish i could know that answer. :(